Call me, Maybe?

There are a select few kids/teens who have my cell phone number.  I do this because I prefer not to be inundated with phone calls on Saturdays (regarding Super Saturday), or any other day of the week for that matter. 

The past week, I've received a few phone calls from one of our teenagers, Keyon, who just called to tell me about his day, and it has been lovely.   

I've known Keyon for a while, and used to think he didn't like me very much.  He can be quite the story teller. Once I “got wise” to his habit of embellishment, I called him out. I learned it was necessary to be very direct with him, and he didn’t always appreciate my honesty. For this reason, he would avoid telling me things and would often respond to my questions with silence.

Keyon

Through all of this, I think I gained his respect. He realized he couldn't put up a front with me as he had a tendency of doing.   Now, we have good conversations on a regular basis. Rather than constantly being frustrated with the choices that he is making, I see him growing into a solid young man.

About a month ago, while we were talking about my birthday, the following conversation occurred:

Keyon: Miss Melissa.  I want to get you something for your birthday? What do you want for your birthday?

Me: You don't need to get me anything

Keyon: But I want to, what do you want?

Me: I don't know, something you think I'd like

Keyon: A dress?

Me: What? Do you know me at all?

Keyon: [uproarious laughter]

I love that he knows me. (I’m not much of a “dress person.”)  Even with our limited interactions and my perception that I wasn't his favorite person we’ve grown to understand each other on some level.

It's been fun watching him grow from early “teenager-hood” to now.  I've seen him mature quite a lot, and look forward to picking up him and his brothers for Super Saturday.  Usually, each of them has a story for me when they get in the van, and it's fun to hear what they’ve experienced throughout the week and what they are looking forward to.

Keyon has taught me so much about being open and fully present with our kids.  In the past, I may have dismissed his phone calls or stories just because I was tired or busy.  Now I love that he calls, and all that it means when he does.

~guest author, Melissa K, volunteer

A highlight of just one of our awesome teens...

Shamar (L) and Trevon (R) at Teen Leadership camp.

"I'm so happy Miss Katie had me sit next to Christopher that one time" Trevon said out of the blue on our drive home one night.

Trevon is a teenager who is on my Super Saturday van route, and part of UFM's teen leadership group.  Christopher is in elementary school and he used to have a huge problem focusing and being respectful during Super Saturday.  One week, Miss Katie (who had Christopher on her pickup route and got to know him pretty well) asked Trevon to sit with Christopher during the lesson so that he could help him pay attention.

I wasn't there when she asked him, but knowing Trevon he did it willingly.  He's got a great attitude, and is incredibly helpful.  This is one of the things I love about our teens: they are so willing to help.  They come with such an eager spirit, and it really shows what Super Saturday means to them.

He told me later that he feels like he can help Chris because he used to be kind of restless like him.  Trevon found it amazing how much they could connect, and how he can stay patient with him because he knows how he feels.

Trevon beams when he talks about Christopher.  They find each other immediately at Super Saturday, and now they are on the same van so have even more time to hang out.  I've also seen a huge shift in Christopher.  He respects Trevon and knows he can ask him questions rather than seek attention elsewhere.

This is just one example of the amazing teens involved at UFM.  It has been wonderful to see them grow up (literally).  I've known some of them for 5+ years and it's really incredible to see the change.  In a time where some rebel, fall into the wrong crowd, or start making bad decisions, this group has made a different choice.  They're still learning, but aren't we all?

I'm so thankful that UFM has a place for these teens, and I'm thankful that they are investing as well.  They're investing in themselves, they're investing in an organization that they belong to, and they're investing in the next generation of kids.

"I just love Chris,” Trevon often says.  It makes me happy every time.

~guest author, Melissa K, volunteer

You just never know why...

You know the kids.  The kids that misbehave week after week, and you swear they're doing it JUST to get on your nerves.    The kids that you'd avoid because you knew they would just drive you nuts if you tried to interact with them.  I'm not proud, but I had this mindset for a while.  I couldn't get outside myself to think about anything but how I was being affected by these kids' behavior.

This was back when I didn't know any of our kids' stories. I remember Noelle talking about some of the families' situations, and suddenly things started to click.  The kid that was angry and wouldn’t talk?  She doesn't trust people because she's been bounced around between family members all her life.  The cranky kid who won't listen to anyone?  He hasn't eaten since yesterday.  The kid who keeps getting in fights?  She gets hit at home and that's the only way she knows how to deal with problems.

It was then that I started to see the big picture.   You never know the whole story.   Even when someone puts on a happy face, they could be hurting deeply inside.

"Be kind for everyone you know is fighting a hard battle" (commonly attributed to Plato).

I'd heard this quote many times, but I only began to understand it better after learning the kids' stories.  No matter how frustrated I was at their behavior, I was able to take a step back and look at the big picture.  I had a couple choices- I could get mad and get angry with them, or I could be kind.

The words friendly, generous, and considerate are found in the definition of kind.  Act as a friend, love generously, and be considerate of their feelings and what they're going through.  Pretty simple in theory, but sometimes very hard in execution.

Before any interaction with our kids I usually have to step back and check myself.  I try to check my frustrations, angers, emotions, and anything I'm carrying myself at the door.  None of these outside circumstances can affect how I treat my kids, that's not fair to them. 

So that's my challenge: to myself, and to you, "Be kind (friendly, generous, considerate) for everyone you know is fighting a hard battle."

~guest author, Melissa, volunteer

Wisdom...

One of my favorite parts of volunteering with Urban Family Ministries is driving.  It's during this time when I have some of the best conversations with my kids and teenagers.  I think it is partly because they are literally stuck with me, and don't have as many opportunities to dodge conversation.

One such conversation happened a few months ago with one of my teen girls.  I'd dropped everyone else off, and we were headed back to the church when Deshownna hopped into the front seat. 

I love this girl.  She always asks great questions, and is much wiser than she even realizes.  She is kind, jubilant, and respectful.

Melissa and UFM Teen Leadership group.

"Miss Melissa," she says, “You know how bad stuff happens?"

"Yes." I replied, knowing of some of the bad things that have happened in the span of 7 years I've known her.

"Well.  When bad stuff happens, good stuff usually eventually comes from it, right?"

"Yes."

"Well.  Since I know something good is going to come from it, I should just have a good attitude while it's going on, right?"

"Yes."

I was astounded by the level of wisdom she had.  She recognized that the “good stuff” came from God, and didn't blame him for the bad things, like we as adults are sometimes apt to do.  This led to a longer conversation about how we go through things to learn, and to help others.    I was able to talk with her about things that my friends and I didn't have the brains to talk about until college.

Although this is something I know, and I've talked about with friends, it doesn't mean I'm living it.  She made it seem so simple; like she had made up her mind, and that's how it was going to be.  She's always had a great attitude about her life, even when she knows it's going pretty terribly. 

Romans 8:28 says:  "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."  If we believe this to be true, then we to can rejoice in times of trial and suffering. 

James 1: 2-4 says: "Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."  It is the hard times that make us who we are in Christ. 

Philippians 4:13 says "I can do all this through him who gives me strength."

God gives us all the tools to rejoice always, we just don’t always utilize them.

I think of all these things when I think of my conversation with Deshownna.  I am so thankful that I have her in my life, and for the things she teaches me.

I hope that I teach the kids/ teens even half as much as they are teaching me.  I am so blessed by their wisdom, and child-like faith.  I pray that they can all have this kind of attitude.  I pray that they can see the bigger picture, and see there is a God who loves them and is with them all the time.

~guest author, Melissa, volunteer

Going to ALL Nations.... right here in Grand Rapids

"Then the eleven disciples went to Galilee, to the mountain where Jesus had told them to go. When they saw him, they worshiped him; but some doubted.  Then Jesus came to them and said, 'All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.'” Matthew 28:16-20 (NIV)

     One of my favorite things about Super Saturday is being the last one out of the parking lot for pickup. We drivers get together and pray before we depart to pick up our kids and teens.  When we're done praying, we find our clipboards, grab the keys, the teens and kids who arrive early pick a driver to ride with, and we're off.  If possible, I like to be the last to leave the parking lot.  I love seeing the vans go in their different directions.  The red van heads in one direction, off to pick up kids in nearby neighborhoods.  The rest of us hop on the highway in a caravan.  Then, one by one, exits are taken.  First blue and green, then purple. I, the pink route, have the furthest to travel before my first stop, but I like it that way as well.  I get to see each van make its way into the neighborhoods.  I've ridden along on most of the routes and know where they're going as they depart from the shared road space.  It brings a smile to my face to know where they're going, and which kids they're picking up.  I get excited about who I'm hopefully going to see that night. 
     One night as I was watching all the vans go their respective ways, it made me think of the Great Commission (Matthew 28:16-20).  Specifically, I thought of verses 19 & 20.  Jesus is speaking to his disciples: "Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age." Every Saturday we may not be going to all nations, but we are going to many neighborhoods, picking up many kids who represent many nations.  If we disciples make disciples, who make disciples, and so on, we could very well reach all nations.  What a beautiful picture. I am so blessed to be among this group of disciple-makers.  There are numerous volunteers who make Super Saturday and other UFM programs happen.  It is energizing, and encouraging having a common vision to make disciples of all nations.  To teach them what Jesus taught, with the authority that we have in Christ. Few circumstances offer such a clear depiction of the Great Commission, but it's one of the things I look forward to every week.  I cling to the promise that Jesus is with us "always, to the very end of the age" as we go.  I covet your prayers for safe travels, and for opportunities to speak to this next generation of disciples/disciple makers.

 ~  Guest Author Melissa K, Volunteer