2nd Annual Christmas Shoppe is getting closer!!

     Urban Family Ministries will host a 2nd Annual “Christmas Shoppe” with a very intentional mission. We want to “Give the Gift of Dignity”. Many of the families served through Urban Family Ministries have become accustomed to the “Adopt a family” world. While the intentions are noble, for our families, it enhances dependency and entitlement. The receiving families receive gifts at Christmas time from complete strangers. In this case, the families offer no initiative, no effort or sacrifice to purchase the gifts for their own children.  Usually, they don't even have to wrap the gifts because the generous people who purchased the gifts take the time to wrap and tag the gifts even.

Last year store items

     To empower our families, we have ended our “Adopt a family” program and started a Christmas Shoppe. This store is set up completely with donations by people who want to give gifts to a family in need at Christmas. These new items, which have been purchased and dropped off at the Urban Family Ministries office, will then be priced much lower and purchased by families involved in our programs.
     The pricing of items range from 10-15% of the ORIGINAL/STICKER price on each item (i.e – a $10 Candyland board game would be marked at $1.00 for our families to purchase.) Our families will come to the store at selected times, shop and even be rung up on a real cash register. Once items have been purchased with their own money, they have an opportunity to wrap and tag the gifts in the office before taking them home. Comments we heard last year sounded like this….

“Are you doing the store next year again? Now that I know what you have, I’m going to save more money for next year’s store!” - single mom of 5

“I did not have enough money to shop at the stores. I was able to shop with a small amount of money in the Christmas Shoppe. It made me feel good to shop, buy things for my kids, wrap them and then have gifts under the tree for them on Christmas.” - a single mom of 3

“The store was a tremendous blessing to my family. I wasn’t going to be able to buy gifts this year for my kids but you helped make it possible!” - single mom of 3

Last year's store items

     Our families want to be able to purchase gifts for their children with their own money, just like everyone else does. Their ability do this will begin to erode the dependency and entitlement so many of them don’t realize entraps them. They want to be able to enjoy watching their children open up gifts on Christmas morning with great anticipation over something they sacrificed for, but going shopping in the “general” sense of the word isn’t possible on their income. This store allows our families to have some pride when their children open their gift on Christmas morning.  The parents will ensure better care for the gifts given when it is their money purchasing the items. It allows our families to experience the same emotions as other parents when they watch their child open a gift they worked hard to purchase.

Our teens helped with pricing and set up.

The result of the change from Adopt a family to Christmas Shoppe will:

1. Bring about restoration of dignity to our families by their purchasing their own gifts.
2. Begin to destroy the cycle of dependency and entitlement.
3. Allow all proceeds to be reinvested in UFM programs that equip and strengthen these and other families in our community.

If you would like to help with this store, you can:

1. Purchase new items from the list below.
2. Return them to the Urban Family Ministries office by December 4th.
3. Sign up to help families shop at the store between December 16-20th.  Help them shop, wrap and be in community with our families.

Any questions, please call Peggy at the Urban Family Ministries office (616-365-9009) or email her at pboverhof@urbanfamilyministries.org.

NEEDED ITEMS:

Clothing
* Winter hats (adults)
* Gloves (adults)
* Coats (kids and teens winter coats, adult fleece zip jackets)
* Boots (kids and teens)
* Snow pants (kids and teens)
* Packs of Underwear (kids and adults)
* Socks (kids and adults)

Customers to our first store.

* Slippers (kids and adults)
* PJ’s (kids and teens)

Toys & Hobbies
* Art sets
* Craft kits
* Tech Deck toys
* Remote Control vehicles
* Baby Dolls (please consider purchasing multi-cultural dolls to closer resemble our families)
* Handheld electronic games
* DVD movies (family and animated)
* Skateboards and Rip sticks
* Scooters
* Board games-family based (Connect 4, Chutes and Ladders, Don’t Break the Ice, Monopoly, Life, Checkers)

Household
* Pans
* Dishes (settings of 4)
* Glass sets
* Mixing Bowls

What a bargain! 

* Utensils
* Paper Towels
* Toilet Paper
* Laundry Supplies (detergent, baskets, fabric softener)
* Tools (basic household sets)
* Nail Polish and Make up
* Bath towels
* Cleaning Supplies
* Pillows
* Twin Sheet sets
* Backpacks
* 10 Ride Bus Passes
* Candles
* Hair accessories
* Jewelry

Loving Big!

"Love is motion, love is action. love is freedom, rest, and passion." ~ Andrew Osenga

Heidi loving on a family's little one.

As a single 27 year old woman, I do wonder if I will ever get to love someone in such a way, then I realize that God did not create me to love just ONE person. He created me to love as He loved me, which, is far beyond what I imagine myself capable of doing.  However, I do know something about myself that I will state here without any intention of being conceded or pompous, I love BIG. I love fast and love hard and risk ALOT.  Many of those I love, can not love me back. Often our relationship begins with that unrequited love being acted out as my heart gets stomped all over. This can be seen in a variety of relationships I've held - friends, acquaintances, guys, family, students, co-workers, etc. 

John Perkins said, "When you look into their faces, you get a glimpse of the face of God." He was referring to the people we serve, the people we meet on a daily basis, and the people we already know and care for.  This changed my perspective on the way I love. As a follower of Christ I don't have the option to love selectively.  I don't get to pick and choose who is worthy of love;  because I am human, I play favorites, but even that's been something that I was called-out on this past year.  How can I say "I love you" to three different people yet clearly show love to only one in that group.  That doesn't match up and proves me a liar.  
(I wonder what my life would look like should I choose not to love. What an empty world that would be. I'd be friendless, jobless, and homeless. I would be without the very reason(s) for which I work and live each day. I would be lost. What a fearful thought.) 

God's created me to love big and deal with hurt and rejection with some ease. Does that mean I don't hurt, absolutely not. I've been hurt and have experienced rejection in ways many don't know or haven't experienced, but I know it could have been much worse.  People have left by choice, by someone else's choice, on good conditions, on bad conditions, suddenly and over the course of time.  I've experienced loss (which could be a whole separate entry) which causes me to question my capacity to keep loving. Why love when it will only lead to hurt?  Because Christ first loved us and served as the perfect and ultimate example of love shown through a life of sacrifice for the good of others….for our good. 

He was constantly choosing someone other than himself. 

Jesus sought the broken, he didn't EXPECT the broken to come to him yet,  He was unable to walk through a town unnoticed. His reputation preceded him wherever he traveled. Loving well, did not go unnoticed, but drew the lonely, rejected, poor, hurt, sick, wounded, messed up people into his presence.  

Three more loves Heidi loves BIG...

Loving big leads to hurting big but think about all the ways God's protected you from deeper hurt? Each time I feel rejected I remember that I serve a God who's greater than it ALL, that He loved me so much that He'd allow me to experience hurt and brokenness, but He walks before and behind, leading me and covering me along the way.  While it may not be EASY, God makes loving BIG 100% worth it, every time. 

~guest author, Heidi, staff

A Night to Remember...

Jewelry? Check! 

Shoes? Check!

Dress? Check!

As I readied myself for the WCSG Father/Daughter Banquet, I couldn't help but wonder how "ma girls" were doing.  Last year, I had the pleasure of attending this Daddy/Daughter date night with my dad. Few months after the banquet, some UFM teens were talking to Mr. Dan, a faithful volunteer staff member, about the event, commenting on how they wish he would take them to the banquet in 2013.  Dan approached me shortly after his conversation with the girls asking if I'd be willing to help make this happen. 

 On Friday, April 12th, Dan escorted Mikela, Miracle, and Sarah. Luke, another volunteer, escorted Jaira and Ashari, and my dad, Dave, escorted Deshownna and me to the WSCG Father/Daughter Banquet. Each of us has a different "father" story, but this evening we were escorted by three incredible men who simply wanted to treat us all like princesses.

We rode to Hudsonville in a UFM 15 passenger van, and sashayed into the Pinnacle Conference Center in Hudsonville.  Ok, so we're not the "sashay" types, so some ran, some wobbled in on stylish heels, and the men walked coolly to the door.

The girls were all dressed to the nines in pretty dresses, cute shoes, and accessories to match. The men looked dapper and Mr. Dan wore a fancy new suit!  We met at the UFM office to snap some photos and hop in our "sweet ride."  The girls were all a flutter with anticipation.  After arriving at the event site, we found our table, got comfy and stared around the room. What fun it was to see all the dads and their daughters enjoying time with each other.  Not a frown to be seen.  

Dinner was served. A fancy dinner.  We had multiple forks and cloth napkins.  The girls were so precious as they navigated their way through this high-class affair.  We ate our salads and rolls, and waited for the main course.  The presentation was lovely, Hawaiian chicken, green beans, and mashed potatoes smothered in a Hawaiian pineapple sauce.  We dug in…but, hungry as we were, for some around the table, the fancy food did not meet their expectations, so they ate cake and rolls and salad all the while making hilarious, disgusted faces as the rest of us finished our meals.

Jason Castro, American Idol season seven fourth runner up, was the entertainment for the evening. The girls talked through much of the concert, commenting on his musical style, other people's outfits, the decorations, the food, etc.  The little girls, ages 10 and 11, tried hard to stay engaged, but the music just wasn't their style.  At one break when Jason was introducing his next song, we heard noises that sounded like radio interference. My dad and I looked down and saw that Jaira and Ashari were laying underneath a chair watching Spongebob Squarepants on someone's cell phone.

At evening's end, the emcees announced that all ladies would receive a flower as they left.  All of the girls were excited. After snapping a few more photos, we made our way to the door.  As the girls  received a carnation from the Cornerstone Radio staff, their faces lit up. Some had never received a flower before so they felt extra special.

As we rode home, the girls chattered about the event, school, friends, and the homework they had to complete over the course of the weekend.  As we left, lots of hugs were exchanged and many "thank-yous" expressed. 

What an incredible experience the evening was!  I am so thankful to be surrounded by incredible students, volunteers, and family and am so very grateful to have shared such a memorable night with such great friends.  

~guest author, Heidi, staff

Being Comforted by a Child...

Alf and Malcom

Our theme for Super Saturday this past fall was “Walking With Us.” During the lesson titled “God Never Leaves Us”, I shared a personal story:

When I was a high school sophomore, my family and I were evicted from our home during Christmas break. With such a large family, it was nearly impossible to find a place to stay. A family friend opened their garage to us for a couple nights. It was the middle of winter. While we lay on our beds made of garbage bags filled with our clothes, it felt as though God was nowhere near us. I spoke that thought aloud and my momma immediately corrected me. “God IS with us ALL THE TIME, even when we don’t feel His presence.” 

I asked the kids, “Does anyone know what I’m talking about?” Many raised their hands, others nodded their heads in agreement.  I closed the lesson and we moved on with the evening.

Later, while I was chatting with some volunteers, Malcom, a young man who had hear my story, came walking up. I remember thinking “Why is he standing so close to me?” as if he were invading my personal space. I looked down to see his big eyes looking straight at me.

“Hey, Malcom. What’s up man?” I asked.

“Mr. Alf, I know exactly what you are feeling,” as he looked down and nodded his head lightly. “I know exactly what you’re feeling.”

“What you mean, man?” I asked.

Malcom placed a hand on my arm as if to comfort me and responded, “I know what you are feeling because my family was evicted too, one time.”

WOW! This little guy, maybe 10 years old, was comforting me! Those standing there with me began to tear up at Malcom’s compassion and desire to make me feel better. I looked straight at Malcom and said to him, 

“Yes, you do know what I’m feeling but, God is always there with you. He may have allowed that to happen because he’s preparing you for the future. He’s preparing you for greatness.”

Malcom went back and joined the kids participating in game time, but those few moments he spent with me will be forever held in my heart and mind. God has great things planned for our kids at Urban Family Ministries and I praise Him for continually giving me glimpses of His power and work in their lives.

~Guest Author - Heidi, staff as told by Alf, Executive Director

What's going on in the Women's Ministry....

The Women's Ministry (plus their driver).  Marie is in the bright green jacket in the front.

Recently, our women’s Bible study lesson came from the story of the woman at the well. As facilitator, I hoped to use the story to share tools of effective study.

-          Observation: What does it say?
-          Interpretation: What does it mean?
-          Application: What does it mean to me?
-          Main Morsel: What was the main lesson I learned from this story?

The outcome was awesome. Many of us cried as we began to share what God was doing in our lives. At the end of our study, I asked what each woman took as their main morsel. Each woman, shared what they took away from the lesson. One admitted that she is “at the well” right now. She lives with her boyfriend and knows God know everything that is going on. Another woman realized she has a thirst only God can fill and others received confirmatio

n about changes that need to be made.

I, myself, feel I am “the woman at the well” because God is using me to teach this class. Remember how she ran back to the city to tell everyone about the prophet?  He used her to bring others into the kingdom.

Yes. Thank you God, for your living water!

~guest author, Marie, volunteer staff

How UFM helped this young man become a man...

Adrian about 10 years ago

     “Before I was involved with Urban Family Ministries, I was an ordinary boy living in a low income neighborhood, surrounded by people that weren’t quite "godly."  I'd heard of God before, which was a good

start at a young age, but I didn’t involve Him in my everyday routine just yet. My everyday routine consisted of activities: playing outside with friends, going to school 5 days out of the week, playing video games, and so forth. One day while playing outside, we noticed a church van going from house to house talking to the neighborhood parents about picking up their children every Saturday night, to teach them about the Lord. Of course most, if not, every parent took the offer, because that was one day out of the week they could have to themselves. The program is called Super Saturday, and it helped me tremendously with my relationship with God. We sang, danced, praised, and learned about the Lord in a fun way; it was not boring at all. In fact, I still know some of the songs and verses that we made into songs to be easily remembered.

     The volunteers and employees at Urban Family Ministries were, and are like family to the children and families involved in Super Saturday as well as other programs. Not only did they teach us about God, they taught us how to better ourselves as well. They were and still are there for us through our spiritual life and our personal life. Those involved with Urban Family Ministries are godly people you can trust, and God has blessed them with the ability to plant seeds of change people lives for the good. I honestly believe it was a blessing to learn my first lessons about God at UFM. I also believe that if Urban Family Ministries hadn't taken that extra step to reach out to kids in low income neighborhoods, many of my friends and I, wouldn't have the strong relationship with God that we have now. I highly encourage parents to allow their children to attend programs that Urban Family Ministries offers because it can make a big impact on their lives. Thank You Urban Family Ministries and Thank You God. God Bless.”
~Guest Author, Adrian, former participant

Adrian today

     Adrian was 6 years old when he first came to Super Saturday. He’s now 21, living in the Chicago area working part-time at UPS and attending Moraine Valley Community College. He aspires to earn his Bachelors of Science in Computer Science.  He dreams of getting married, owning his own house and car, and opening a community center to support young kids and teens.

A lesson about honesty at Super Saturday from a teen...

Deshownna in 2004

Deshownna is 13 years old and an 8th grader.  This summer, she was asked to join our Teen Leadership group because of this type of example she is.  She's been involved with Urban Family Ministries since Kindergarten.  Read in Deshownna's own words what she learned and how she was tested on Saturday night.

     What I learned this week at Super Saturday was honesty.  Mr. Alf put me and some other teenagers in a skit about honesty. [There were 3 groups of us pretending to be in conversation. He walked by and dropped some money in front of each group.] Only 1 group of kids was honest enough to give his money back.

Later on that Saturday, I think I got tested a little because Ms. Heidi dropped a 20 dollar bill [and I saw it lying on the floor.] Now, it was very tempting [to pocket the money], but I decided to do the right thing and turn the money in to Mr. Alf.

Deshownna today, with her mentor, Ms. Heidi

That same night I found a pair of glasses and 

gave them to Mr. Alf as well. It’s funny how we JUST got done talking about honesty, and doing a skit specifically about returning money someone’s dropped and there just HAPPENED to be a 20 dollar bill right in front of me!

Deshownna

Praise God with us as we rejoice in this type of growth and for the willingness to share.

I have more nieces and nephews...

Denise getting hugs at a Super Saturday.

     I became familiar with UFM while attending Calvary Church several years ago.   One day I asked Jim, a former UFM employee and Kitchen Crew leader, if he needed "backup" staff for the kitchen crew in case anyone called in sick or was on vacation. Jim said that would be a good idea and he would call me when needed. Sure enough, he asked me to help out one Saturday and I really enjoyed it.In the following weeks he asked me to fill in for someone on a regular basis, eventually I was asked me to come every week! I've been a part of the UFM Super Saturday kitchen for 8-10 years. I love the people I work with and I think I'm the youngest one in the kitchen! I love to say "hi" to the kids who attend Super Saturday and mingle with them when I get a chance. I really enjoy getting to know some of the kids, asking them about their lives, and showing that I care about them. I even get hugs from those that know me! I see the Super Saturday kids as an extension of my family, like my nieces and nephews. On Saturdays, there are just more nieces and nephews for me to love! I enjoy being able to spend time with 100+ great kids and still go home to my quiet condo! Even though I'm now a member of another church, I still feel very much a part of UFM.

~guest author, Denise, volunteer and Board Member

Superbowl Sunday... connecting Urban and Suburban

UFM and Georgetown Bible paired up to host a fabulous Superbowl Extravaganza. 

Samantha and Deshowne celebrating with their new iPods.

Glen Wilson, youth pastor at Georgetown Bible, collaborated with UFM and Tabernacle Community Church youth group to throw a hype party at UFM’s office on the corner of Eastern and Baxter.  The game was broadcast on 4 different televisions and a large projector screen. Middle and high school students and volunteers filled the rec center with laughter and conversation. Over 60 people joined in cheering on different students as they participated in a variety of “minute-to-win-it” games. Winners went home with a variety of prizes from candy bars, buckets of gumballs, all the way to $25 to iTunes or Best Buy, and two lucky winners took home iPods! 

It was a great blessing to see this facility used so well, packed with students and volunteers having a blast, sharing in community, and creating memories.  We ate, we danced, we cheered!! It was a Superbowl Party to remember.

Executive Director, Alf Clark responded to the night with these words: 

And the game gets serious....

Minute-to-win-it game

“I had a dream right after starting here in March of 2012.  I dreamed at some point, we could be part of bridging the urban community with the suburban community.  My dream included urban and suburban youth filling the main room in our office building, breaking out of their cultural shells and experiencing what Heaven will look like.  This dream, in which we as a staff continue to cultivate, is called in the office “God with US” (Urban Suburban).  This dream became a reality for the first time on Sunday night as Georgetown Bible Church, Tabernacle Community Church youth group and UFM high and middle school students merged together to watch the Superbowl game.  We had door prizes, pizza, games, pool table, foosball table, Superbowl game playing on 4 flat screen T.V’s and music bouncing in the building.  

As I sat there and looked around, it was hard to not allow a smile to break across my face.  I saw teens from the suburban area breaking bread with an urban teen.  I saw an urban teen engage in a conversation with a youth group member from a suburban setting.  As I thought through the evening of what God was doing right there in that room, he reminded me of how one of our teen boys, Dearis, arrived and immediately broke down barriers.  A group of suburban teens were sitting in the cafe’ getting ready to play cards.   They were sitting around a small round table which created more of a “huddle” look where the group is shoulder to shoulder facing each other.  This was not intentional by any means.  Dearis, walked into the cafe’ and right up to the group, placed his chin almost on the shoulders of two people sitting at the table peering into the circle.  He looked right, then left and asked “What are you guys doing?”  Someone from the group spoke up saying “We’re getting ready to play cards.”  Dearis not skipping a beat questioned, “Can I join you?”  The response was a welcoming yes and as the two people who he was peering over the shoulder of separated, he pulled up another chair and began playing.  For the rest of the night, Dearis and that group of young men and women were connected, talking and the barriers were non-existent.  

What an awesome experience watching again God, first hand, break down barriers we all know can be there, but rarely speak of.” 

You just never know why...

You know the kids.  The kids that misbehave week after week, and you swear they're doing it JUST to get on your nerves.    The kids that you'd avoid because you knew they would just drive you nuts if you tried to interact with them.  I'm not proud, but I had this mindset for a while.  I couldn't get outside myself to think about anything but how I was being affected by these kids' behavior.

This was back when I didn't know any of our kids' stories. I remember Noelle talking about some of the families' situations, and suddenly things started to click.  The kid that was angry and wouldn’t talk?  She doesn't trust people because she's been bounced around between family members all her life.  The cranky kid who won't listen to anyone?  He hasn't eaten since yesterday.  The kid who keeps getting in fights?  She gets hit at home and that's the only way she knows how to deal with problems.

It was then that I started to see the big picture.   You never know the whole story.   Even when someone puts on a happy face, they could be hurting deeply inside.

"Be kind for everyone you know is fighting a hard battle" (commonly attributed to Plato).

I'd heard this quote many times, but I only began to understand it better after learning the kids' stories.  No matter how frustrated I was at their behavior, I was able to take a step back and look at the big picture.  I had a couple choices- I could get mad and get angry with them, or I could be kind.

The words friendly, generous, and considerate are found in the definition of kind.  Act as a friend, love generously, and be considerate of their feelings and what they're going through.  Pretty simple in theory, but sometimes very hard in execution.

Before any interaction with our kids I usually have to step back and check myself.  I try to check my frustrations, angers, emotions, and anything I'm carrying myself at the door.  None of these outside circumstances can affect how I treat my kids, that's not fair to them. 

So that's my challenge: to myself, and to you, "Be kind (friendly, generous, considerate) for everyone you know is fighting a hard battle."

~guest author, Melissa, volunteer

HOW do you do it??

          That is a question we, as staff, are often asked when people find out what we do.  We understand it to be a rhetorical question.  My response doesn't waver, no matter what the motive behind the question.  "It's the hardest thing I've ever done yet the best thing I've ever done."

      It’s not your typical nine-to-five desk job.  Most days are planned in your calendar but rarely executed on schedule.   Some days are so heart wrenching, you pray for Jesus to return and take you home.  Some days are so joyous, you pray to never forget what you are experiencing.   You know that you will need these moments as a reminder for those days when you feel your heart has exited your body and is laying in the middle of traffic with 16-wheelers driving over it one after another after another.
   
     Recently, I was in a position where I had to make a decision of which family I was going to be with.  One was attending the funeral of the families oldest daughter (followed by a funeral, the next morning, for the step-daughter) who was murdered 4 days before; or be in court to support a young man and his mom whom I’ve known for 10+ years and is working to get custody of his 1 year old son.  If it was just a normal court hearing, it would have been an easier decision but his mom was in despair, afraid they were going to lose the baby over an accident.  How do you decide between two hurting families?  One at the height of their grief over losing a child; the other experiencing anxiety and emotions deeper than they remember in fear of losing their child/grandchild.   The loss for the second family would be as deep as what the first family was in the middle of experiencing.  How do you decide when both things are an hour apart and the drive between the two is 40 minutes?  I searched and searched for an answer...  and there was none.  I sought wise counsel but still did not feel at peace.  I sought counsel again - still no peace.
   

     These decisions are common when involved in family ministry - other families become your family.   You never know when you might get that phone call, a knock on your door, a text that jolts you out of your reality and thrusts you into a whole different world that is uncomfortable, scary and maybe even dangerous.  Our jobs aren’t just a means to a paycheck.  They are our life. We are on the clock 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.  

In the trenches

We are in the trenches when we participate in ground level ministry.  We are meeting people who have lived lives that many only see in movies.  We meet with prostitutes; we live next to drug dealers; we have people shot outside our homes; we are with children who do not know how to control their anger; we are in homes of teens who are in need of mental health care; we have kids in our homes who have never experienced affectionate positive love from a parent; we speak with parents who don’t want their kids anymore; we see deep hurt, crippling fear, and overwhelming addiction....  but out of that we also see God’s redeeming power.  We have seen women come to know Jesus and watched their countenance change.  We have seen young men approach us and ask to have a SAFE place to hang out.  We have seen young men and women say “I will never be like this” and surround themselves with people who are helping to pull them out of the cycle.  We have seen children abandoned by their parents, fight to have a better future.

Our God is more powerful than any of the horrific things that we experience.  God has called each of us, whether staff or volunteer staff, to serve at UFM at this time for a specific reason.  Our job is to be obedient to what HE calls us to do.  Until then we dream of a time when we will be sitting face to face with Jesus, in full and complete worship, praising Him.  I recently ran across a song by Kari Jobe entitled ‘The More I Seek You.”  The lyrics provide such a worshipful time in my own corner of the world that I have played it over and over again, dreaming of the time we stand face-to-face with Jesus.

“The more I seek you, the more I find you.  The more I find you, the more I love you.  I wanna sit at your feet, drink from the cup in your hand, lay back against you and breathe, feel your heart beat.  This love is so deep, it’s more than I can stand.  I melt in your peace, it’s overwhelming.”

It’s these moments and prayers that keep us going.  It’s these times when we have to lean on God’s strength.  It’s these days when we have to keep our eyes focused on the one who called us to minister at the ground level.